Quotes from Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
Earlier this year I read The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler and really really enjoyed it. The quick pitch is that it’s a book to help perfectionists embrace their perfectionism as a strength, rather than “tamp down” those tendencies as society would have us do.
There are, of course, negative ways perfectionism can show up, like workaholism or never thinking you’re good enough, but there are a lot of ways to harness those tendencies productively.
I underlined a lot of the book and extracted the quotes that resonated the most with me, which I’m writing down here (and on post-its on my monitor!) to reinforce them in my mind and to be a reference to my future self. Enjoy!
Become Your Full Self
- It’s not more talent that rises to the top, it’s persistence.
- While change always involves loss, not changing involves a much greater loss. I.e. the loss of not growing, not becoming your full self.
Honor Your Perfectionism
Appreciate what you have. Stop taking perfectionism for granted.
Appreciate the drive inside you. Your drive is there to usher you towards your potential. Honor your drive.
You are Perfect i.e. Complete
We use the word perfect to emphasize completeness. You are complete. Ergo you are perfect.
- The past is over. The future is not something you can control. Choose presence.
- You’re already whole and perfect. You don’t need to become something you already are.
- You’re worthy of peace now. You’re worthy even as you sleep.
- Your potential is endless. It’s calling you. Answer the call.
- Give yourself credit for the work you’ve done to get to where you are now.
Listen to Your Instincts
Listening to your instincts when they speak to you quietly about small things is as critical as listening to your instincts when they scream at you loudly about big things. The more you honor your instincts, the deeper you heal.
Trade the question “What should I do?” for “What are my instincts telling me about this?”
Practice Self-Kindness
Clarify your intentions. Intentions are expressed through how you do something, why you do something, not what you do.
Self-compassion begins with giving yourself permission to encounter what you feel.
Practice self-kindness. Acknowledge pain as the primary issue.
Kindness is to act with generosity. “I’ve decided to be good to you.”
You Don’t Have it in You to Chill
Don’t worry about getting so lost in your leisure that you won’t return to your work. You’re a perfectionist; the drive within you to excel is compulsive, you won’t be able to help returning to your work.
You do not have it in you to chill and do the bare minimum.
This one has stuck with me more than any other because it’s definitely a fear I have ie getting sucked into TV or video games or crosswords or whatever never to return, and so after reading this I’m regularly returning to it and reminding myself that I don’t have it in me to chill haha.
Productivity is anything that energizes you without hurting you.
Step Into Your Life Now
You want faith that you’re going to be okay even if you fail.
Take intentional action and allow space for whatever happens to unfold.
Being ready and being in control are two different things. You have little to no control over the world around you. Step into your life now.
Get clear and intentional on your most deeply held values. You will/are pursuing those with full force.
Embrace Perfectionism as a Strength
- Lead with your strengths
- Don’t shy away from who you are
- Delight in the private shift of embracing your strengths and perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a quiet power.