How do you know if you’re being empathetic? It’s easy to throw the term around, but difficult to actually apply. This is important to understand in my chosen field of design, but can also help anyone improve their interactions with other people.
My yardstick for being empathetic is imagining myself make the same decisions, in the same situation, that another person made.
If I look at someone’s behavior and think, “That doesn’t make sense,” or “Why did they do that?!” then I’m not being empathetic. I’m missing a piece of context — about their knowledge, experiences, skills, emotional state, environment, etc. — that led them to do what they did. When I feel that way, I push myself to keep searching for the missing piece that will make their actions become the only rational ones to take.
Is this always possible? No. Even armed with the same knowledge, operating in the same environment, and possessing the same skills as another person, I will occasionally make different decisions than them. Every individual is unique, and interpret and act on stimuli differently.
Even so, imagining myself behave the same as another person is what I strive for. That’s my yardstick for empathy.